Friday, July 5, 2013

A Special Kind Of Fucked Up

I've been trying to date again. I split up with my husband about 4 years ago now, and I've had a few dates here and there, but nothing has gone anywhere. I can't figure out if it's me or if it's them or if it's a bit of both. I just know as soon as a guy starts kissing me, I freeze up and freak out and stop things from going any further.

My ex cheated on me, several times, as I came to find out after we broke up, and it really did a number on my self-esteem. But it's been almost 4 years. I don't want him back. I don't find him attractive anymore. But I can't see to move on to someone else because my skin starts crawling and I feel like I'm under attack when I start getting kissed. And these aren't guys who are being pushy - it's just a normal kiss.

I don't really want to be alone for the rest of my life but I can't seem to figure out how to get past this.

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