Sunday, September 8, 2013

Trying to make sense of the things that I think.

Sometimes I feel like people always think I'm lying. That I'm making it up about still not getting unemployment and thus, not having the rent money. I'm not lying. I know I can prove that I'm not lying, but still, I feel like people think I am. Does this come from the fact that I don't trust anyone? Is it because I was lied to for so long, and so often, by my ex-husband? Probably. I wonder if I can get over that. I do tend to assume that certain people are lying to me - not my kids or my mum or sister or friends, but more like people who've fucked me over in the past. I think that's pretty normal, yeah? So then why do I assume that everyone thinks that I'm lying?

My brain is weird.

I read this post by The Bloggess - she's one of the few blogs I read anymore - and it seems like I'm not the only one who feels like a total fraud. Her followup post about it has some good ideas that I may try to implement, so I don't continue down this path of self-flagellation. It's definitely not helping my depression, although I do think the depression is mostly what makes me beat myself up so badly.

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