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Wednesday, August 7, 2013



"You live in terror of the future because you're always waiting for the next bad thing to happen to you."

Ah, awful weight! Infinity Pressed down upon the finite Me! My anguished spirit, like a bird, Beating against my lips I heard; Yet lay the weight so close about There was no room for it without. And so beneath the weight lay I And suffered death, but could not die. - See more at: http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/15416#sthash.lCiJj6xe.dpuf


Ah, awful weight! Infinity
Pressed down upon the finite Me!
My anguished spirit, like a bird,       
Beating against my lips I heard;
Yet lay the weight so close about
There was no room for it without.
And so beneath the weight lay I
And suffered death, but could not die.                                                                                                 
Ah, awful weight! Infinity Pressed down upon the finite Me! My anguished spirit, like a bird, Beating against my lips I heard; Yet lay the weight so close about There was no room for it without. And so beneath the weight lay I And suffered death, but could not die. - See more at: http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/15416#sthash.lCiJj6xe.dpuf
 Renasence - Edna St. Vincent-Millay

These two pieces describe how I've been feeling lately. I can't remember where I heard the first one, but it rings true for me. This is how I live now, waiting for the other shoe to drop, knowing it's just a matter of time.

I can't get out from under this depression. It's making me crazy. I hate feeling like this. I want it to just go away, but every day, I wake up and it's still there. I'm so broke right now, which is only adding to all of this. I have $29 in my bank account. I haven't bought my daughter her birthday present yet because I don't have any money to get her anything. I send out resumes constantly and I can't even get in the door for an interview. I'm angry and upset about everything and I just want it all to stop. How do I make it stop?
Ah, awful weight! Infinity Pressed down upon the finite Me! My anguished spirit, like a bird, Beating against my lips I heard; Yet lay the weight so close about There was no room for it without. And so beneath the weight lay I And suffered death, but could not die. - See more at: http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/15416#sthash.lCiJj6xe.dpuf

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